someone somewhere rn is telling a psychopath that they are enough
notes folder dump / 2503 / 2min read
1
Does self-improvement make people happier? Or is happiness rather something that will just come and go and then come again. Like ocean tides. How do we know if a thing has changed because we did the work or simply because time happened and maybe time really does heal all wounds? A therapist once told me “you’ll grow out of it”. I was like fuck you, therapist, this is not acne, do your job! Of course, I didn’t say it. I probably nodded eagerly and said something like oh that’s good to know, thanks!
2
There are tons of self-care options now to choose from to become the best version of yourself, to feel better, be better, be more. It’s an optimal offering for a society that at the height of capitalism has never felt less enough. There is a lot of money to be made. Make them feel like they are not enough, then sell them shit that tells them they are. Which is a big lie in itself of course, like, sorry Sir, but how can something be good enough if another thing is obviously better? Like, who are you trying to fool, that just doesn’t make sense!
Somewhere right now a therapist is telling a psychopath that they are enough.
3
I am a very curious person. At this point in your following and reading me this will not come as a surprise but I say it anyway: I am a very curious person. It is a character trait I hold up like a trophy and blurt out at any opportunity like it’s a special talent I want everyone to know about. Maybe it’s more like an excuse, a filter I put over all the stupid things I have done and fallen for and still do. Curiosity is chicer than naivety. Branding myself as curious seems more charming than acknowledging the fact that I am led by sensation not reason. I am easily lured into experiences that offer to expand my consciousness and field of sight. It is like I keep trying to find that missing link that connects how I feel the world with how it presents itself to me. Like I want to meet the band behind the soundtrack that always plays as I do life.
when I look back to my moments of greatest happiness I realise that I didn't even notice how happy I was.
Sometimes we confuse happiness with bliss. Bliss is often related to being in love. And sexual and romantic transcendence.
I've come to believe that happiness is the absence of thought about the past, or anxieties of the future. Just living in the present moment and feeling contentment with the moment. In that way I can focus on immediacy and feel a kind of happiness rooted in the simple things of life and the day I pass through.
Life is really about ameliorating moments, and avoiding permanent sadness. Its not too much to ask for, to be happy like that. We can't live in a state of permanent bliss and transcendent love and rapture. It is enough to not be sad. If I am not sad, I am happy.